we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
