we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
