I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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