considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Two words: blizzard sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
