im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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