Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
