Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
