i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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