I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
