Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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