there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
