What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
