i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
