The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
