suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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