I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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