it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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