Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
