I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
