3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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