1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
