Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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