My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
