There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
