Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
