dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
either way he was missing a nipple.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
