I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
