Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize