I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
