I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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