getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
