Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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