if only i could text you this smell
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
