I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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