Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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