bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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