there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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