the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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