The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize