im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
