He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
