so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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