just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Girls should come with a carfax report
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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