Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
