Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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