areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
