I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm too high and old for this...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize