I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
