He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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