at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
