Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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