well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
