I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
