If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
