I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
