I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize