I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
