That's intense
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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