note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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