i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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