Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
