I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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