You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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