either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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