he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
