I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
