Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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