I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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