So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
