I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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