I looked at my own cervix.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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