It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
