some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
