Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
