he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
