She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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