So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
