last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
