I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
