After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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