Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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