My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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