You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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