Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
