I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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