Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
