im about as happy as oj after his trial
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
