I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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