my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
