Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
