marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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